Poker Face (sketch)/Transcript
;Since this sketch heavily relies on thoughts, these are marked in italics. Whitney: We're here at the world championship Texas Hold'em Poker. We're down to our final four now, and the stakes have never been higher. No player is giving anything away, faces so still they may as well have been carved from stone. Jason: Alright, Jason, you've got this. And when you win, you can finally afford to buy that kidney you need. Mallory: They can't read you at all, you're a sphinx. You are smooth, like the wind. Matt: I have no idea how to play this game. I should have been out a long, long time ago, but I keep winning! Jeremy: Breathe. Ooh! I can't take the stress! Whitney: And starting with the flop, we've got the king and queen of spades, and ace of diamonds. Jason: Argh, nothing again? I'm sick of waiting for a good hand. Time to bluff my way to victory. Ten thousand. Whitney: Oh my, well, Jason Gray comes out swinging. What can possibly be going through everyone's heads right now? Mallory: Aah! Jeremy: Aah! Matt: Hmm, sandwiches... Jason: Aah! Whitney: Nothing but calm calculation down there. Mallory: Aah! Whitney: Let’s see what they do. Mallory: Call. Keep it together. You’re calm, like the wind. Matt: Call. What does call even mean? I am literally just doing what the person before me does. Jeremy: Keep... it... together... Jeremy. Make your mustache proud. Call. Whitney: Ladies and gentlemen, we have a poker game on our hands! Now, here comes the turn with the king of hearts. Jeremy: Aah! Jason: Okay, the bluff didn’t work, time to bail. Argh, how can I just throw away ten thousand dollars? No, I need this. Time to scare the children away. Fifty thousand. Whitney: Oh my goodness! This is really heating up. But look at those faces, complete calm. Mallory: You wanna play? You wanna mess with this?! I am fierce. Like the wind! Call. Matt: Okay, she put in six red circles and two blue ones, so... Call. Jeremy: Call. What am I doing?! I have a two and a seven. That’s not good. Whitney: And this is the river, looks like the king of diamonds. Oh my, could be a big game changer right there. Jeremy: Aah! Jason: No! Just fold! You fools! I need that kidney! All in. Whitney: Hundreds of thousands of dollars are on the line. How do these players deal with the tension? Mallory: Haha! You want to dance, Jason?! I'm about to get crazy up in here! Like the wind! All in. There! You thought I wouldn't do it, didn't you?! Look me in the eyes, you dirty commie! Yeah, that's right! If I lose this tournament, I'm going to find you and break your knees, like the wind. Matt: All in. Look at all those circles. I wonder what they mean. Jeremy: Fold, Jeremy! Fold now and cut your losses! All in. What are you doing?! Whitney: This is it, now it’s time to see which of these players walks away with a million dollars. Jason will show first, a six and a seven, okay. Looks like he was making a bluff that clearly backfired, got to wonder what he must be thinking right now. Jason: I’m going to have a monkey kidney. Whitney: Mallory to show next, and she has a pair of queens, so full house for her, great hand! Mallory: I am the wind! Whitney: Jeremy... still hasn’t shown his cards, he’s just sitting stone-faced. It seems as though, oh, wait, we’re getting word from the dealer that.. yes, ok... Jeremy is in fact dead. And finally, Matt... ok, it looks like Matt was somehow playing with Uno cards. Matt: Yahtzee! Category:Season 2